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As I said, I'd never been to the Headmaster's Office before and I'd imagined something grander, maybe with wood panelling and chandeliers and a mahogany desk and a chaise longue covered in velveteen throws and stacked high with cushions and perhaps with an owl on a perch or portraits that talked and suchlike. So it was really disappointing to discover that it looked just like every other room in the school with its peeling grey/green institutional paintwork and grime smeared windows. It sucked. And the suckiest thing of all the suckiest things in that room was Ms Harridan, with her skanky cardigan, milk-curdling face, and her 'hamster cage after you haven't cleaned it out for two weeks' breath. So I was really pleased when Headmaster Crotchety invited me into his private office. Which was just as sucky as the other room but let's not go through all that again. But none of it was as sucky as Headmaster Crotchety who not only didn't offer me a seat but just went on and on about. I have missed much my mischief making.”“No myth Satan, we — you the body you inhabit and I — are now Vampires. I was the Vampire and usually I bite to completely drain and kill my victims. I never had any desire to perpetuate my uniqueness, no pathological urge to pass on my genes. But, through my gentle bite on your lovely swan neck, I have started to turn you into such a creature. I had hoped I would be speaking to my dear Thomasina, though I fear now that the one I love within you is lost! She is quiet in my head at last, so I address you, Satan. We, you and I, are Vampires and know this, Vampires are immortal and they can never die. You may be immortal, but you are trapped in this body now for eternity. You can never leave this body through death and go back to your Hell, leaving your Devils leaderless and with no Devilish Plan to follow. There will be no ‘Son of Satan’ walking the earth, no ‘Daughter of Satan’ either, no Satanic ritual incest of Kings or Queens.”“You cannot be.
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